Secrets

Have I ever made clear
That you lead with fear?
You're much too near
My empty eyes
But you can't get lost
Even if you tried.
I've never been this close
To a rising dead end
You never thought I would
Or even understand
The bonds I can break
The trust I can take
And the mess you can make.

By your presence

You’ve never known the truth
My lies crawl up to you
It wanted to stay alive
When dead already arrived
Now I’m sticking on to you
Like I’ve always wanted you
The knives stuck in my back
Are ready to attack, back, back
To those ones, the ones that grabbed the guns.
And now it’s sticking on to me
Like it always wanted me.
But the grief starts to believe
That I’ll always be coming back to you, you

& me.

Disbelief

I saw you crying
On this bench
Looking into the distance
While holding his hand
The words froze
Like a million knives
With your unspoken thoughts
Into a different life
Staring blankly, at his face
And the several minutes
Felt like days
But with your cheeks blood red
He still said..
It’s not worth the tears, or your fears..

..I saw myself crying
On this bench
And I looked into his eyes
While holding his hand
My words streaming
Like a thousand life’s
I stared, kept smiling
At his face
And the hours passing
Felt like an embrace
So when he looked, like I could
My dream awakened
And everything happened,
All over again.

It's you

I can see visions
Clearly in the sky
You closed some doors
And I just wonder why
Oh, what a mess we could make
Upon this big mistake
About a him, and a her
And the opportunities they can fake

I liked you for a reason
But does that reason still exist?
I’d make me see you smile
If it wasn’t a deadly wish
So no red roses for tonight,
Because black ones are in sight.

Come on,
Make things clear,
And shoot
My fear
Straight to hell.

Shields don't always keep you alive

I keep swallowing these lies
Behind your burden
And I’ve caught your eyes a million times
Without facing your beauty
Your expressions written in marks
Which I’m not able to see...

I dreamt I wanted you forever
But all I did was hide
You said you thought of me forever
But it took another fight
And now I’m buried in broken promises
And all I do is run
While you’re picking up your life
Where it all once begun.

You couldn’t keep me alive
When I started to die
And it just didn’t stay together
When we gave it another try
And I wonder how it would be
When I’d knew the inner me
But I already broke our line
Which I’m still not able to see...

I dreamt I wanted you forever
But all I did was hide
You said you thought of me forever
But it took another fight
And now I’m buried in broken promises
And all I do is run
While you’re picking up your life
Where it all once begun.

It’s all over,
We’ve crashed the walls
And I try to climb,
As I begin to fall
And you are still, a question mark

I dreamt I wanted you forever
While I knew it wasn’t true
Would you even think of me forever?
When I’d say I already knew
And would you think of me forever?
When I’d tell you I loved you.

I love you

As tears fill my eyes with doubt
Your heart screams a bit too loud
To my self-conscious,
Like an overreaction
To my newest direction,
Leading the way
But with a rope around its heart
And an unspoken word
That’s not meant to be hurt.

You’re sitting in a cave
That’s supposed to be my grave,
And I’ve fed myself with bitterness
That your eyes can’t bear to see.
With your latest calculations
About my expectations..
I dare you to look in the eyes
Of a killer,
My perfect filler,
Your worst thriller,
Because the last three words
I’m able to see
Are instead of you, hunting me

And I’m fighting against the tide.

Hide and seek

Come out little chapter
Don't turn your pages down
Don't play like the bible
But find your own title
Like a riddle
Right in the middle
Between the liars and players
And excellent slayers.
Liar, liar, I secretly admire
Your constant deceiving
But soon I'll be leaving
Your unumbered page,
The spotlight on your stage,
and your unlocked cage.

Come out little chapter
Because I won't let you capture
An ending without a book.

Dying story

Out of words
Out of speaking terms
Out of strength
It's out of sight
Let me stop this useless fight,
Dripping from this disguise
And that feeds itself with lies.
Thank hell,
For being so well
Do I need you
To break up this spell?

Don’t, stop
Please, die
Feel, no
Let me, try

I want to see
But I can’t.
Want to bleed
And pretend.
Understand that marks,
Are not for show.
So that you,
Will never know

me.

The untold chapter

And I want to cry these fucking tears
Like I never met my fears
Please tell me dear
When will this ever end?
It’s just not fair
This is not my guilt
This is not to the tragedy
I used to build
Differences are made to make
So don’t see this as my mistake
Impotence cries out my voice
I’m sorry, but you don’t have a choice
But to except the temptation
Of my new generation.

You speak louder
I speak faster
So this fairy tale
Became the disaster
Of a silent affection.

Everytime I get smaller
I wish I could get closer to you
I’d grab your hands of faith
But it’s already too late
The changes are seen
And the chances have never been
Told inside this book.

Again it’s going to be a chaos
It’s going to be hell
But have you ever noticed
That it treats me well?
It suits me, not you
So please don’t tell me, what to do

It’s just over.
It’s done.

Stilte in de storm

In de vergeten glorie
Van mijn eigen dromen
Wetend naast de mensen
En onschatbare wensen
Die niet waar gemaakt
zullen worden.
Nooit zal ik mezelf
Verstoren, als ik de geluiden
kan horen
Die leiden naar de perfecte wereld
Die nooit heeft bestaan.
Stille kreten, nog altijd bezeten
van jouw stem
Terwijl ik je niet ken,
Nooit heb gekend.
En als een boek die niet open kan
Of een hel die niet wilt sluiten
Blijk ik niet te vechten
Niet eens een weg naar buiten
Dankzij de stilte in de storm.

Bleeding through hidden doors

I’ve never been tortured
By a presence of you
And I thought I once knew
The look in my eyes
But it was no surprise
When the mirror lied, again.

It depends on the days
And the days are dead.
But things have to go wrong
Like you once said
I’ve never been tortured
By a presence of you
But now I just don’t
Know what to do.

Days are empty
Like the bottles in this place
And I want to go to sleep
In many different ways.
I only know
How to put a show,
And I lie, so I’ll die
If I break hearts
And I don’t want you
To pick up those parts.

I’ve never been tortured
When you thought you gave hell
But the torture itself
Already knows me too well.

Goodbye.

A better hell

Guilt obeys itself
Without permission
It’s such a silence decision
For me to let go
And a deathly wish
For you not to know
And my hands start to tremble
When my mind starts to gamble
With my heart
Don’t start, about the line
Give me a fucking chance.

I can’t take this
Because I know I miss something
But I don’t know what
I need to show,
To a world so dead
And a place so sad
And I’ve made my bed
So I will lie in it,
And if you tell me
How to dig a grave,
I’ll die in it.

Comes out of The Comedown

Pionnen in het spel

Onbewogen in een gestrekte lijn
Kijkend naar de leegte, binnenin
De vergeten beelden van, verraad en
Liefdelijke haat,
Speelt zich af in een cirkel
Die zich begeeft, en beeft
Op een afgrond,
Die op instorten staat,
En mij langzaam naar beneden toe haalt.

Elke keer, lijkt het weer
Steeds vermoeiender te worden
Komt er geen licht naar voren
Maar iets dat wilt verstoren,
Oneerlijkheid
Is een spel
Die zich razendsnel verspreidt.

Kan ik mijn handen verstoppen,
En toch vervolgens kloppen
Op een deur die vergrendeld is
Door bezeten woorden
Die ik kan horen
Zelfs met mij oren dicht.
Nee, het zicht
heeft zich gericht
Op de zwakste schakel, vandaag
Kijk ik naar boven
Zonder hoogste punt
En zoek ik naar beneden
Zonder vaste grond,
Omdat die allang niet meer,
bestond.

Retreat

These are the last chances for goodbye
Pray for now or never
Sooner or later
You’ll be melting down
And I’ll go with you, without making a sound
Because silence always wins
Before the noise begins.

You just know how to execute
The living dead in me
And I just know how to face the truth
Right before your eyes
It just doesn’t get through
And I assume
That it’ll not last forever
So pray for now or never
These are the last chances for goodbye.

Hide the bullet or let it die
Face circumstances, so I won't have to tie
This rope around my mouth
Because now I’d love to shout
Or help me find the sorrow
Behind the eyes of my mirror.

Dishonored cowards

I've dug my face
In a familiar place
Living is only a way
Of pretending you're alive.
I can not hide secrets
'Cause they keep bleeding through,
And I can not keep promises
When they always come back to you.

You lie, you lie!
You're a liar
And I'll die.

Tell me when did I ask
For my heart to break apart.
And when did you decided
This game not to play.
Yes I will stay,
'till the very, very end.

You cheat, you cheat!
You're a liar
And I'll bleed.
And I'll stop being fair
'till you've got nothing,
left to share.

Niets nieuws

Zo gedreven
Maar op heden
Vergeten
Wat belangrijk was.

Zo verslapt
En in één keer
Dichtgeklapt.

They wished they were gone

Noisy drums through my ear
It looks like the army will never disappear
'Cause the army will never be strong enough
To close a box, with only fear.
Yes, death is waiting, and concentrating
Looking me, straight in the eye.
Screaming is bleeding
Because waiting for help
Does, and will never
matter anymore.

So if you point this knife
At my side of life
I will make sure
I’ll jump on your grave.
I’ll invite my friends
Family, and dance
Until I’ve broken down
All your defence.
Let’s get it, all together
And make this life a little better.

Holding position for an authority
That is underneath, I can barely breath
Grabbing hearts, guessing cards
They can only see it, as a poker game.
They’re so weak, and it’s such a shame
That they have always, been so lame.
Being strong has only been said,
By those who were, already dead
I can, defeat you.

So if you point this knife
At my side of life
I will make sure
I’ll jump on your grave.
I’ll invite my friends
Family, and dance
Until I’ve broken down
All your defence.
Let’s get it, all aside
So I can say, I never died.

Gesloten verhaal

De zwarte dagen
Verdragen de leegte
Op weg naar waar
Ik mijn zorgen open leg.
Want wat ik zeg
En wat ik doe
Ik sterf niet wetende
Waarnaar toe.
Leven zal geschreven
Woorden uit mij trekken
Zonder de hekken
Dicht te doen,
En te sluiten
Wat gesloten
had moeten zijn.
Fijn,
Om weg te lopen
Van een ongeschreven boek.

Theater

Leegte streeft
Naar een donker gat
Naar een duister podium
Die ik nooit had.
Want met de maskers op
En de spotlight aan
Wijst de muur
Naar het open raam
Maar ik blijf staan.

Ogen kijken lijnen
Naar buiten.
Waardoor zij zich
Vervolgens weer sluiten.
Één verzetting
Is een verplettering.
Voor de mensen
Die wensen
Dat het nooit was gebeurt.

Nee, dit toneelstuk
Is zo goed als dood.

Angst overwinnen.

Vergeten
De stenen
Weg te leggen
Om de wegen
Te ontruimen
En de woorden
Te gaan zeggen
Maar die woorden
Waren bedolven
Achter een lach
Die alles zag.
Ik ben jou
Niet.

Een houvast
Dat ben jij
Handen
Volgen blindelings
Touwen
Zonder eind
Deze speling
Is niet iets
Dat zomaar
Verdwijnt
Blijf me vasthouden
Alsjeblieft.
Want jij bent mij
Niet.