Beware of the closure

Sometimes it's hard to explain
How to deal with pain
I'm not a walking sinner
More or less a crawling winner.

I said that I would live the life
That I always wanted
But what if there's nothing to give
And I'm being haunted
Fuck the rules, fuck the crowd
I should not care less
Or maybe I'm just thinking too loud
And conditionally depressed.

I'll start straight-faced
Inside this place
I temporarily created
One day you'll see me laughing
At that person I used to hate.

Selfish signal

Don’t bring me back
Don’t bring me back
To what feels like a heart attack
Don’t close the curtains
Cause they are blocking my view
Don’t ever see coming
What is supposed to be you
I tried, I really did
But somehow it doesn’t fit.

How can we be happy
When I’m all the way down
How can we be happy
When I took my own crown
And threw it away
For no sense at all
I promised, I know I did
But I can not possibly be the person
You desire to be with.

400 miles

Heading for open waters
Swimming through hard waves of pain
But it makes no sense at all
Cause I’m feeling so ashamed
Please forgive me
The shores were too far away
But I would stay here for you
If you still think that’s ok
Because my heart is skipping beats
And has been spread out over seas
He has to know what he needs to see
What I can think or what I could be
Maybe I’ll leave just for today
And give it another try
But as I try to swim
My vows stay left to dry
I can’t drag them into the water
But I promise that I’ve tried
So don’t let me sink, don’t let me drown
Though there’s a distance
Of 400 miles.

The end where I begin

Precisely knowing who I am
What I feel en what I do
Precisely knowing what I feel for you
But how can I not know how or when
And how it changes now and then.

It hurts
But what hurts most
Is that you see
You precisely know
But not how or when
And if you can
Help.

I can cry
Without tears
You don’t want me to
I want me to
But I still love you
More than anything
It’s just a fragile string
Which is too far away for you to notice
If I don’t fall back
Into the same routine
I promise
Next time
I’ll be fine.